Dear Lord,

I am so bad today. It is like a a torture in my soul to become annoyed, angry, upset and discouraged. My mum is sufering because of that. I feel powerless and exhausted.

What shall I do?

I know I need to repent and change, but I can't.

Have I become too much selfish?

RULE in me by the HOLY SPIRIT.

In Father,

Katya

Invited to the Feast

I had a dream where I said to somebody:"Today is a feast!". Well, I thought I had only 4 dollars left to get food, but decided to stop by ATM machine and check the money, and as I said before, there were $163 dollars. I thanked the Lord!

Then today was the day of great dinner with Phil and Tara. They invited Ziyod and Lani, JM and me. I told them that would come, but today I felt so uncomfotable to go there, that I was looking for reasons not to go. WEll, Rhyse called and asked to postpone our dance practice fom 4 pm till 5:15pm, I agreed. Anyway, after having a productive time, We finished at 7 pm. Then we went to Panera were I treated her with a dinner as a feast.

Here is the story in the Bible that I just read:

"The kingdom of heaven is like a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son, and sent his servants to summon those who had been invited to the wedding banquet, but they refused to come.Again he sent other servants, saying, 'Tell those who are invited, Behold, I have prepared my banquet... everything is prepared; come to the wedding feast. But they were not concerned and paid no attention- they ignored and made light of the summons, treating it with contempt- and they went away, one to his farm, another to his business, while the others seized his servants, treated them shamefully and put them to death.

Then he said to his servants, th ewedding feast is prepared, but those invited were not worthy. So go to the thoroughfares where they leave the city- where the main roads and those from the country end- and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find. And those servants went out on the crossroads and got together as many as they found, both bad and good, the room which the wedding feast was helf was filled with guests. But when the king came in to view the guests, he looked intently at a man there who had on no wedding garment; adn he said, Friend, how did you come in here without putting on the appropriate wedding garment? And he was speechless )muzzled, gagged).

For many are called (invited and sumoned), but few chosen." Matthew 22:2-14

give to the poor

"Go and sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have the riches in heaven..." Matthew 19:21

Today, to my surprise I had $163.02 in my debit card. Praise the Lord! This is the last check from work on campus. I took off $20, 00 to get food and money for the laundry. Then I spent $50,00 for the Food of the poor (sorry, it should be in secret). And I have still $ 93.02 left. I know that it is aweful to live hungry and without money. There are some blessigns from that, but unless you receive some help, it's difficult.

Lord, I pray that you will change my mind and attitude toward poor, so that I will not remain wealthy on the earth but rich in heaven. Help me to be reminded to give to the poor everytime there is something to give. Oh Lord, help them soon!!!

Amen.
Another example that my friend just shared with me. At the grocery store, there was a man who at the counter did not have enough money to pay for the food and he asked the lady to take off some items. But the man behind him said, I will pay fo ryou whatever you have left.

Thank You Dear Lord!!!

Little children, you are of God- you belong to Him, ...

He Who is in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.

1 John 4:4

I continue to pray and meditate about His presence inside me. I want to be a body, spirit and soul that contains the Holy Spirit, just as it is written in the New Testament.

you are living the life of the Spirit, if the Holy Spirit of God really dwells within you- directs and controls you. But if any one does not possess the Holy Sprit of Christ, he is none of His- he does not belong to Christ, is not truly a child of God. but if Christ lives in you, then although your natural body is dead by reason of sin and guilt, the spirit is alive because of the righteousness that He imputes to you. And if the Spirit of him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, then He Who raised up Christ Jesus from te dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you.

Romans 8:9-11

Poverty- source

I have wondered about an issue of poverty. Many times I heard and believed too that poverty is a demonic thing. So instead of having a compassion on people, we treat them as those possessed by devil. But when we ourselves become poor or step into their shoes, we discover how needy and unworthy we are, how desperate we are for God and mercy. When you are poor, you become to see the graces of God that in other times you take for granted. When you are poor, you feel low and humble, sometimes there is self-pity, but there is also a remorse. How can we say that poverty comes from devil? Why would God be so concerned for the poor and widowed, orphans and foreigners?

I want to look at the Word and search whether poverty is a demonic activity or whether it is not.
Help me the Holy Spirit to find the truth, so that my heart will not be wrong before God.

Amen.

Therefore the kigdom of heaven is like a human king who wished to settle accounts with his attendants. When he began the accounting, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents (probably about $10,000,000), and becuase he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and his children and everything that he possessed, and payment to be made. So the attendant fell on his knees, begging him, hHave patience with me and I will pay you everything. And his master;s heart was moved with compassion, and he released him and forgave him (cancelling) the debt. But that same attendant, as he went out, found one of his fellow attendants who owed him a hundred denarii (about twenty dollars); and he caught him by the throat and said, Pay what you owe! So his fellow attendant fell down and begged him earnestly, Give me time, and I will pay you all! But he was unwilling and went out and had him put in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow attendants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and told everything that had taken place to their master. Then his master called him and said to him, You contemptible and wicked attendant! I forgave you and cancelled al that great debt of yours because you begged me; and should you not have had pity and mercy on your fellow attendant, as I had pity and mercy on you? And in wrath his master turned him over to the torturers (the jailers), till he should pay all that he owed. So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you, if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses. Matthew 18:23-35

There are at least two dimensions in this parable (that I am aware of )

1. Why do people not want to pay back the debt? Most likely they do not have money at that moment, but also I think that it is our selfishness. WE think of ourselves and our needs as more important than others. For example, in this story, the first attendant pleaded to give him mercy, like saying I know I need mercy, give me that. THe second one, probably was more sincere , he could not pay the debt at that moment but was willing to pay later. I noticed even in my heart this tendency. AS I received freely 100 dollars, I knew I had to pay back to Jenny, but immediately our thoughts came: Well, I would like to spend this money on my needs. Maybe I should pay her back of that sum of money. This is completely wrong! Jesus gives supernaturally to cover our debts (not only financial ut spiritual), yet we continue to serve our own needs and desires.
2. The point of this story is to be willing to forgive freely and not hold offenses against those who made us wrong. I feel that I am also in this category. It is so hard in my heart to let go and freely love with compassion my sister Tori. But no matter what I feel, God's word says to "freely forgive your sister from your heart her offenses".

tax for Me and for you

"In order not to give offense and cause them to stumle- that is, to judge unfavorably and unjustly- go down to the sea and throw in a hook; take the first fish that comes up, and when you open its mouth you will find there a shekel. Take it and give it to them to pay the temple tax for Me and for yourself." Matthew 17:27

We do have taxes and debts here on earth. I like how Jesus showed that He will provide money, but make sure that you give them to pay for tax and debt. It is an answer to my prayer what to do with $100 dollars I received today. I have a debt to pay to my friend Jenny Jung, because I borrowed $100 to cover my negative balance on the debit card. I was so thankful to her and now it is to pay it back with God's divine provision.

Lord, blessed are Your ways, Your Divine Ways!

p.s. Look at the words "take it and give it to them to pay the temple tax for Me and for yourself."

Jesus lives in me, so He is concern with everything I am in. He is a major part of me, I am the least of me...

my dear Erin, thank you

I just came to my room, there was an envolopw on the floor for me. I picked it up and went to the restroom with it. The card's envelope said "psalm 23". By the way, for this semseter I received two cards with Psalm 23 from Karen and this was from Erin Davis (from fast meeting yesterday). I still cry and feel unworthy to accept what was inside.

There was 100 dollars.
I can't explain it. I just know that it's so humbling and compassionate. Thank You Lord!
Thank You Lord! Thank You for dear Erin. I will not forget hear, my dear Erin. Thank you.

The presidency of the U.S.

George Washington was not the first President of the United States. He was the first President of the United States under the Constitution we follow today. And the first seven Presidents are forgotten in history.

In 1781, John Hanson was elected as the first president in the U.S. Six other presidents were elected after him - Elias Boudinot (1783), Thomas Mifflin (1784), Richard Henry Lee (1785), Nathan Gorman (1786), Arthur St. Clair (1787), and Cyrus Griffin (1788) - all prior to Washington taking office
George Washington (1789-1797)
John Adam (1797-1801)
Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)
James Madison (1809-1817)
James Monroe (1817-1825)
John Q. Adams (1825-1829)
Andrew Jackson (1829-1837)
Martin Van Buren (1837-1841)
William Henry Harrison (1841)
John Tyler (1841-1845)
James K. Polk (1845-1849)
Zachary Taylor (1849-1850)
Millard Fillmore (1850-1853)
Franklin Pierce (1853-1857)
James Buchanan (1857-1861)
Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865)
Andrew Johnson (1865-1869)
Ulysses Grant (1869-1877)
Rutherford Hayes (1877-1881)
James Garfield (1881)
Chester Arthur (1881- 1885)
Grover Cleveland (1885-1889)
Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)
Grover Cleveland (1893-1897)
William McKinley (1897-1901)

"The chief purposes of a fst are to clear our heads and hearts, to practice the discipline of detachment from what we suppose to be our needs, and to focus on hearing God rather than lobbying of our own compromised sinfulness..." (p, 83).

Relating to the war in Iraq, I think that many Christians (including myself) consider that what 's going on there is what supposed to be happening. However, I do consider that violence and war is not God's way but it also could be his wrath on the nation... AS you see, I am not very familiar on this topic just as it seemed to me that's what it supposed to be. However, in this world there are so much bad going on, that we do need to take "spiritual " weapons to fight the enemy.

The spiritual weapons are fsting, prayer, worship, th Word of God, evangelism, healing, deliverance, discipleship and missionary. So may our hearts turn to God with these weapons, so that God could bestow grace upon the nations instead of wrath.

Amen

"And let us call the church to fasting and prayer in repentance for the destrauction our nation has influenced upon the people of Iraq" (qt. in Jim Wallis, p. 79).

"This military action has killed at least 10,000 Iraqis, about 900 American soldiers have died in Iraq." (p. 80)

"At no time has he or any other national leader, of either political part, called the notaion to apologize or repent for these volent abd highnanded acts." (p.81).

"As Christians, what shall we say to these things? We are called to serve a Lord whotaught his followers to turn the other cheek when attacked and to love their enemies. We should aslo recall the passionate exhortation of St. Paul, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (p.81).

The newspaper "The Chronicle" for April 2008:

Has an article "'Adopt a Terrorist for Prayer' movement begins"

-The new web-based ministry, Adopt a Terrorist for Prayer (ATFP), helps Christians follow Jesus' instructions to love and pray for their enemies.

-The founder of ATFP is Dr. Thomas Bruce

-"It's all about connecting these prayer warriors to each other to see how others are praying, to encourage each other, to spread the word, and fight this Ward on Terrorism in a powerful and spiritual way."

- go to their website : http://www.myatfp.com/

SOME WAYS TO PRAY FOR TERRORIST:

• For heart changes


• For dreams and visions


• For irresistable pursuit by God's Spirit


• For inescapable proclamation of God's word


• For demonstration of God's grace


• For conviction of sins


• For freedom to respond


• Against spiritual blindness and bondage

Today most of the wolrd's people are poor-1.2 billion earn less than $1;

854 million are hungry.

• "The poor becoming hungrier while the appetites of the rich show little sich of subsiding. " (Jim Wallis p.73)

• "When we see a church that has fallen into accumulation and affluence, a church that is being consumed by its own consumption, we are witnessing a church that has fallen into idolatry." (Jim Wallis p.73).

My next comment is not relating to the poverty issue but just about colllege studying. I have thought that we spent so much time writing the papers (from 4 to 6 pages), yet the only thing we get back is the grade. The teacher is not discussing with us what our issues and point of view are. Do we grow if we just soak in our own thoughts? No response, no communication about what we write, why we write. I think that every student take an effort to put something valuable and meaningful in each paper (even if it it a sentence). It will be great if after spending so much time and energy in our papers, to be able to meet and talk with teachers and professors and hear their comments. WE need to grow and hear the responses from the older generation. The only time we hear their response is the group discussion. But have you noticed that not all people are comfortable to share and open in front of others? What is the purpose of writing all those papers, anyway? I love writing and searching the information, but after 4 years of college I question the fruitfullness of its approach.

Thanks

This morning I have been asked by Tori: "Can we live the rest 1,5 weeks in peace?" I asked her: "What does it require?" SHe said: "Just be kind to each otehr, but do not expact anything..." I told her: "I will try". WHen I came back to the room , the sorrow and diapoinment came on me: "Did she care for her convenience last weeks of finals or did she truly care for our relationship?" Becaue I thought it was her selfish desire to experience the last weeks of finals without anxiety and so forth, I was sad.

By the way, at around 11 am (still the morning), but I felt like the whole day run through and I was tired and exhuasted. So, I went to Haven and the Lord provided a meal for me for free.
My next class it at 2pm and before that time I am reading the book for another class.

By the way, when yesterday I was crying in my secret room, Danielle came and hugged me. She said : "Do you wanna talk?" I nodded No. I also did not feel trusty to share with her my feelings and what God was doing in me. TOday I met her on the way, she hugged me again, asked ferw questions. I do not feel the same toward her, but it could be just my bitterness and uneasy with the whole situation with Tori.

Thank you Lord,
for letting me go through this. I thought yeasterday that it is my lesson so that in future I would be able to keep silence in the group or public resistence.

I wonder how my mom is doing, probably busy. May the Lord with His angels guard her in all the ways and bring her safely to the U.S. I am looking forward to show her that "secret room", give her the pillow, feed her on campus, and cry in her shoulders.

It feels very lonely here. But I ahve Sarah and Rhyse who are a great support, as well as Phil and Tara. Of course the Lord is my help and support.

I will wait on Him,
He will console me. Praise to Him!

searching for the answer

Well, let's learn from the opposite example given in MAtthew 12:43-45

"But when the unclean spirit has gone out of man, he roams through dry places in search of rest, but he does not find any. Then he says, I will go back to my house from which I came out. ANd when he arrives he finds the plae unoccupied, swept, put in order and decorated. Then he goes and brings with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they go in and make their home there. And the last condition of that man becomes worse than the first."

Let's come back to the scripture in Matthew 12:35 "The good man from his inner good treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things."

Question

And now I have a question: how can God come and live in theinner man of a person when that person is nothing, beggar, poor?

Would glory come in to that undeserved place of a body of a mere men?

Where is the wisdom here?
Teach me Lord, I pray.

Amen

Treasure in the man

Matthew 12:35

The good man from his inner good treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things.

How deep this message, yet a little that I copmrehend. Help me Lord!

I noticed that this scripture realtes to the Epesians 3:16, 19. It talks about God's rich treasure in the inner being of a man.

I prayed to God: "Make me rich in the heavenly. Do not give me the riches earthly. Let me store the riches in heaven. But Now there is a new dimension to that prayer:

"Dear Lord, I pray and ask you to grant me the riches of Your presence within my spirit an dinner man. Make me rich in my inner being. Amen."

God is good.
Where God is in the inner being of a man, that man becomes a good man.

Hunger

"His disciples were hungry"... Matthew 12:1
We are hungry, we are hungry, we are hungry for You (the song)

His disciples were hungry
and we will be hungry as well.
Fill me and flood me with Yourself, Your Spirit and Love!

"the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, See there! Your disciples are doing what is unlawful and not permitted on the Sabbath. He said to them, Have you not even read what David did when he was hungry, and those who accompanied him? (1 Sam 21:1-6; Lev.24:9) How he went into the house of God and ate the loaves of the showbread, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for the men who accompanied him, but for the priests only?"... Matthew 12:2-4

God allows through Christ to hunger for Him no matter if you are a priest or a mere disciple. Hunger is good and you can come to the house of God and eat His bread. Hunger is good, remeber that. That will always allow you to come into the house of God!

Dream

The desires:

To buy an Amplified Bible (especially New Testament)
To have a printed machine
To write on the CD the songs God gave me

Farther Dreams:
To raise the dead
To dance for Christ
Do mighty works for GOD the Father
Proclaim the Kindom of God

Ephesians 3:16,19

Ephesians 3:16

May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the Holy Spirit Himself-indwelling your innermost being and personality.

Ephesians 3:19

That you may be filled through all your being unto all the fullness of God- that is may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself!

Fast meeting at Prayer Room on campus

Voila!
I attended a fast meeting at our prayer room on campus. At first I felt out of place and uneasy to share, but our leader the lady started speaking, the presence of God filled the room. At that moment I did not care about who is around. GOD was the Center of it all!

After a great time,

I have talked to her personally, rahter crying and flooding with tears. This is what she said: "God is going to use you mightily." She said that all the people whom God uses mightily go through this dark testing time "the shadow of death". I felt hope and faith that God will do something through me. Yeah

But when I left that precious room, I cried intensively and shaked so desperately. I could not stop. Then I came to my beloved "secreat room" in Morison and prayed...

I love God and His ways!!!!

Love Him!!!!